One Man Invasion

On the Road Again...

2007-08-26T05:41:00.000-04:00

It's the One Man Invasion's final day in Romania. Soon we will be all packed up and ship out of our headquarters onto greener pastures. A recon mission in ex-Yugoslavia will be the last stop in our long journey behind the Iron Curtain before we slap on our fake mustaches and spectacles and smuggle ourselves past the unwitting commie border guards and onto a plane headed to swinging London. A week in London spent debriefing our superiors, yes we do have them, and familiarizing ourselves with the riches of the 'capitalist pigs' will be quite the reward. After London, the OMI heads back to the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave for a ticker tape parade complete with all the pomp and circumstance that has been promised to us.
Hope you've enjoyed the journey. More will come but probably not until we get back stateside. The Invasion is just about over and a new invasion will soon begin. Stay tuned...

End of Days, Countdown

2007-08-25T04:37:00.000-04:00

With the final days of the 'One Man Invasion: Romania' at hand, our thoughts turn to what's happening back stateside. Sunday September 9 marks the beginning of the Philadelphia Eagles assault on ~~the NFL Championship~~ their fans sanity. A tantalizing team and promising beginning to the regular season will be followed by a heartbreaking injury/loss of form and a loss in the playoffs to a team that the Eagles would've beaten if they would've been firing on all cylinders. Regardless, fans will fill the seats and get fired up for the better part of the season only to lose faith and flood 610 WIP with calls demanding a trade of McNabb, the head of Andy Reid and/or the death of Todd Pinkston/Mike Mamula/TO/new scapegoat. The Invasion loves the fact that both the Eagles and the fans are wonderfully predictable. Philadelphia Magazine takes a look at the Eagles' fans and wonders "Why Do We Care So Much?

Tut, tut, tut

2007-08-20T08:24:00.000-04:00

Monacle...check. Beluga caviar...check. Pretentious airs...check. Expensive beverages...see below
While the One Man Invasion is never one to indulge in the, um, indulgences of the upper crust, we do share one thing in common, we all like beer. Our tastes may be simpler than those born with the proverbial silver spoon in their mouths, but we can always sit down and cross the divide over a fine pitcher/glass/bottle/can of beer. If we're ever caught in said situation, the fine folks Socyberty have provided us with a list of The World's 3 Most Expensive Beers. While the Invasion's favorite (see right) didn't make the list (one of the reason's why it's our favorite), we won't feel out of place when coming across the affluent.

Mission Failure

2007-08-20T01:32:00.000-04:00

The One Man Invasion has returned from Death's doorstep and while one might expect it to be a warm place (fire, brimstone, et al), it was far from it. In fact it was rain soaked and cold, a miserable combination that broke the back of the OMI's Team Bear Food. We abandoned the Carpathian Adventure Race 45 hours in with only the biking portion to finish. All started relatively well and we were sitting pretty in 8th place, but an absolutely torrential downpour forced us back to base camp after about a half dozen kilometers of biking. Race rules stated that every team had to begin the biking section by 6AM on the beginning of day three and having returned to camp five hours before the deadline, we were shot. Unable to dry off (no campfires were allowed at the base camp for reasons that can only be described as 'retarded'), without any dry clothes (hello hypothermia and/or frostbite) and faced with the unrelenting rain, we called it quits. The team felt aggrieved as we had started the biking section but had returned to camp for shelter, but our arguments fell on the deaf ears of race organizers. C'est la vie.
The race was a blast and while it was indeed a challenge, the Invasion would do it again in a heartbeat. Things were going great for the team and we were hoping for a finish in less than 48 hours, but the rain was demoralizing and debilitating. Along the way we did some tough hiking (coming across a herd of rams, being semi-chased by wild horses, and sleeping on the side of a mountain only to be woken up by a hailstorm), fun rope courses (rappelling and hauling ourselves across a small chasm), explored a cold cave after being soaked while charging through a small canyon, and built a below-average raft and paddled across a reservoir. Check out the pics below and see the fun. We've been checking out some other races and we're looking to put together a crack squad to tackle some Stateside adventures. If interested, leave your info in the comments.

before the start - everyone is happy

everyone still happy

at the top of one of our many 'last climbs'

almost 6AM, post-hailstorm, heat blanket skirt saves my life, rather miserable

The Adventure Continues

2007-08-04T06:39:00.000-04:00

The One Man Invasion's last post from headquarters as we're packing up and getting out. Next stop is Petrosani on our way to the Race of the Century of the Week. Outward Bound is slowly updating the info on the race website with a list of equipment and race rules recently posted. It also appears that you, loyal reader, will be able to follow the OMI's progress live. We doubt the live-ness of the posting, but check it throughout the race (begins August 9, 8AM EEST/1AM EST) to see how the Invasion's squad is performing. Plenty of pics to come post-race (finishes August 12) when, and if, we return alive.

YouTube Nonsense

2007-08-02T12:00:00.000-04:00

For some unknown reason, these vids have captivated people across the world. Check it.

some articles on this kid and his popularity: KGW Oregon
Washington Post

Dramatic Look
This thing is everywhere and if you haven't seen it, where have you been? Wonder where it came from? Think of the weirdest country in the world and you have your answer (extended clip below).

Gilbert Arenas on Shark Attacks

2007-08-02T09:55:00.000-04:00

Go to Gilbert Arenas' blog for more genius. Here's some on shark attacks:

I know this is random, but I just want to clear this up for people out there.
There are these things called shark attacks, but there is no such thing as a shark attack. I have never seen a real shark attack.
I know you’re making a weird face as you’re reading this. OK people, a shark attack is not what we see on TV and what people portray it as.
We’re humans. We live on land.
Sharks live in water.
So if you’re swimming in the water and a shark bites you, that’s called trespassing. That is called trespassing. That is not a shark attack.
A shark attack is if you’re chilling at home, sitting on your couch, and a shark comes in and bites you; now that’s a shark attack. Now, if you’re chilling in the water, that is called invasion of space. So I have never heard of a shark attack.
When I see on the news where it’s like, “There have been 10 shark attacks,” I’m like, “Hey, for real?! They’re just running around? Sharks are walking now, huh! We live on the land, we don’t live underwater.”

The Japanese...

2007-07-29T08:00:00.000-04:00

What will they think of next? From the nation that brought to you the man who assembled a $170,000 harem of sex dolls comes a video game that will thrill pervs across the world. Kouenji Jyoshi Soccer 2 is currently in development but it will apparently allow you to touch teenage school girls while guiding the school soccer team to victory. How this is legal, we have no idea.

Non-Shocker of the Day: Dishonest People In Bucharest

2007-07-26T04:23:00.000-04:00

Readers' Digest recently published a report regarding an experiment in which they tried to find out which denizens of 32 national capitals were the most honest. Leaving mid-priced Nokia phones throughout the cities, Readers' Digest followed the actions of those who picked up the phones to see if they tried to return the phones to their owner. The worldwide average was 68% attempted return rate with the residents of the Slovenian Ljubljana the most honest (29 out of 30 attempted returns) with Toronto a close second (28 of 30). Unsurprisingly, Bucharest, Romania came in second to last with 53 percent of the people who found the phones decided to keep them. Hong Kong and Malaysian capital Kuala Lumpur finished last. The OMI can almost guarantee that if any Romanian was confronted with this report, they would immediately blame the thefts on Gypsies because normal Romanians would never do such a thing.

The Fix is On

2007-07-25T15:49:00.000-04:00

There is nothing the Invasion likes more than to prove our own genius. That is actually the reason for this blog. With the recent revelation that certain NBA games were possibly fixed by a referee in cahoots with the mafia, the OMI and Paul Czerwin were finally vindicated in their stance that 'fix is in' when it comes to the NBA. For further proof check out some old comments. When reached for comment about the possible fixing of games, 76ers GM Billy King offered the Invasion a 7-year-deal for max money and a no-trade clause.

Apples, Tree, Not Far, Yeah We Know

2007-07-25T15:06:00.000-04:00

Conspiracy theories aren't really are bag here at the One Man Invasion. That's the territory of our buddy The Awkward Toad, but since the Toad has been MIA for a bit, we'll pick up his slack for a bit. A BBC Radio 4 investigative series hosted by award-winning journalist Mike Thomson looks into the "biggest ever peacetime threat to American democracy." A coup mooted to depose FDR during the Great Depression and install a Hitler/Mussolini-esque dictatorship in order to get the US out of its crisis. The coup was to take place with the help of some half a million war vets as well as some of Americas most famous families. Unsurprisingly, one of the names that comes up is Prescott Bush, grandfather of our current president.

listen to the show

A Post About Field Hockey

2007-07-25T11:00:00.000-04:00

When it comes to sports, the One Man Invasion keeps it pretty simple: soccer, wiffleball and how bad are the 76ers? Time to step out of the box, loyal reader, and check out the US Women's Field Hockey team. Our ladies recently finished second in the Pan-American Games to powerhouse Argentina, and while second place is normally greeted with a glare and a kick in the shin by the adoring American public, the OMI has got respect, especially because of the team's First State connections. Midfielder Carrie Lingo hails from Rehoboth Beach. Having been capped 111 times, Lingo is pretty badass; she was named ot the All-ACC 50th Anniversary team and the Invasion even remembers reading about her when she played at Cape Henlopen. Forward Katelyn Falgowski was born in Wilmington and lives in Landenberg, PA. Having graduated from St. Mark's High School this year, Falgowski has somehow already played 33 times for the national team.
The loss in the Pan-Am finals means that the US team will have to qualify for the Beijing Olympics via an international tournament in either Azerbaijan, Russia or Vancouver. Go field hockey.

We Heard There Was a Soccer Game In LA

2007-07-24T11:17:00.000-04:00

Apparently the United States has been invaded by David Beckham. While the One Man Invasion missed out on the odd American soccer hype, we have been keeping track of the American league. The MLS has posted some quality recently and since everyone else is posting about soccer, we might as well since it is our thing. Check the links.

MLS All-Stars defeat Scottish Champs Glasgow Celtic, All-Star coach sticks it to haters.

MLS Commish Don Garber takes questions. Here's the answer that counts:

Jason from Philadelphia
Is there any news on a possible new MLS franchise in Philadelphia?

Don Garber
No news yet but continuing to make progress but I'm hopeful, and even a bit bullish, about MLS's opportunities in Philly. We've been lobbying in the State House for public support of a facility and believe we have secured real interest from what we believe will be a terrific ownership group.

Moneyballer Billy Beane is looking to get involved in MLS

Another example of cuckoo for cocoa puffs soccer fan

And finally, soccer legend/jazz salt addict Maradona was apparently bribed by a drug dealer to talk to buddy Fidel Castro about getting the dealer released

We Read Books

2007-07-24T11:07:00.000-04:00

The One Man Invasion isn't big on watching movies or television so our list of favorite actors could be described as idiosyncratic, but we have our reasons which are listed below:
1. Christopher McDonald - Shooter McGavin was pure genius as was his character in Dirty Work
2. Peter Ustinov - Death on the Nile, Poirot, genius
3. Keith Powell - we have never seen 30 Rock, but the OMI has gotten drunk w/Powell on several occasions and that's good enough for us.
Well it appears that Powell isn't just a favorite of the Invasion. OMI fave Kissing Susie Kolber has chosen Keith as the mascot of the appropriately named Toofers. With star receiver Rae Carruth, this team is looking up.

Race On

2007-07-21T03:04:00.000-04:00

With the One Man Invasion's personal troop withdrawal coming in less than two months, we've decided to go ahead with one last final surge to bring this country to its knees. Beginning August 8, the OMI will participate in the Carpathian Adventure. The Invasion will be apart of a four person team that will tackle a 150 kilometer course in the Retezat Mountains of the Southern Carpathian mountain chain.
The race consists of 62 km of hiking, 84 km of mountain biking, 3 km of rafting and a few other tasks. The OMI is currently in the midst of a grueling training schedule and a diet which consists of eating only what we can forage and drinking milk from goats that we have bested in a wrestling match. Any training tips for us, loyal reader?

On the Juice

2007-07-17T18:52:00.001-04:00

A great man (we forget who) once said, "I'm not here for a long time, I'm here for a good time." In the wanton days of our youth, the One Man Invasion embraced these words wholeheartedly. Driving down Pike Creek Road like James Dean while blasting Voodoo Chile was par for the course, but as another man once said, "Times are a changing." We think this man lived a lot longer.
With the foolishness of teenage immaturity behind us, the OMI is looking forward to living a long, productive life and nutrition will certainly contribute to this goal. One might think that Romanian living would take a toll on one's health, but the lovely folks who sign our paycheck provide us with free multivitamins to offset and negative aspects of life behind the Iron Curtain. "Romanian multivitamins!?" you say. "No, sir," we reply, because upon closer inspection, these vitamins come from a place that mixes Shangri-La and El Dorado. Truly amazing.

Must Not've Been Good At Paperboy

2007-07-17T18:49:00.000-04:00

As the Tour de France starts separating the men from the boys in the mountains, the One Man Invasion must admit that when watching le Tour (that's French) our attention sometimes strays from the ~~drug-fueled~~ superhuman riders and we focus on the spectators. These people spend all day, and sometimes more, getting a spot along the course to catch just a bit of the action as the riders whiz by.
For this year's edition of le Tour (see above), the Invasion managed to get a roadside correspondent to keep us abreast of the latest ~~doping scandals~~ action. Unfortunately, our correspondent, Moofis the dog, had a bit of an accident and will be unable to continue reporting. The OMI is sure that Moofis would have reported that all these characters are doping one way or another and that we might as well allow it in cycling and track & field b/c everyone is doing it anyway and one out of 50 million athletes get caught.

From the Chillen Files...

2007-07-04T05:17:00.000-04:00

Most things are better when done outside. As long as the bugs (see below) are taken care of and it's not ridiculously hot, life alfresco is just nicer. Save for the aforementioned, the biggest obstacle to enjoying the great outdoors is finding a decent place to sit. Your dad's lawnchair (no cupholders) is so passe; portability and functionality is the name of the game so how do you like it? Cup holders? Footrest? Sunshade? Fold up into a backpack or into a satchel? What is one to do with the multitude of new school chairs? Thankfully, Slate.com has reviewed several chairs. Check them out and pick one up. We'd like to hear your plans for summer sitting.

I Got Bugs

2007-06-19T05:57:00.000-04:00

It's summertime and while the livin' may be easy, mosquitos are now out in force. And the One Man Invasion hates mosquitos. Mosquitos and flies actually. While in the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave one can simply hide behind windowscreens or shut oneself off in air conditioning, said options doesn't exist in Romania. Also if you want to spend time outside, you need to find a way to keep the bugs off you. "How?" you ask. "Click of the below link," we say.
The Consumerist has a post on how to repel mosquitos which is semi-helpful. What's really helpful are the comments:

'There are three natural essential oils that work well (lemon eucalyptus, neem, and catnip)...Catnip has a substance called nepetalactone that is a proven insect repellant. I use two teaspoons of it in a four-ounce spray bottle of fractionated coconut oil, which makes it spray well, has enough to do a good job (I could probably cut it in half), and smells pleasant (kind of vanilla minty).'

'The mosquito sees you as one big carbon dioxide factory. The CO2 detectors can find you as soon as you exhale. What you need to do can be simply found at your neighborhood ice company. Dry ice. Dry ice is literally just frozen CO2. As it melts it turns straight from a solid to a gas. This gas is pure CO2 at MUCH higher concentrations then we exhale. The trick is to just get a brick or two of these and just put it in a bucket at the edge of your yard. Mosquitoes go to the source of the most CO2 and leave you alone. Been doing this for about 20 years and we never have to worry about zappers, chemicals, candles, etc.'

'I still love those blue-light bug zappers. and for all those naysayers who claim they kill beneficial bugs too: go out into the woods and tell me if there aren't way too many damned bugs in the world. boo-hoo.'

While all of these methods sounds nice and innovative, we are for the one that kills the most bugs. Kill 'em all, there are plenty to go around.

We're Smart

2007-06-18T16:26:00.000-04:00

Recently the editors of American Heritage Dictionaries released a list of 100 Words Every High School Graduate - And Their Parents - Should Know. The editors, in their hubris, must feel that their position as editors gives them an omnipotent power over the vocabularies of all high school graduates, not just our most loquacious ones. The One Man Invasion understands that nerds might use these words, but to winnow down the best of the English language to a homogeneous set of 100 big words is simply, well, gauche. The new style is inclusion; big words that sounds nice at a Sotheby's auction are just as good as the words used at a Chamillionaire concert. So let's not kowtow to the totalitarian reign of these dictionary tsars and embrace the lexicon of the yeoman.

equinox

Ichiro Suzuki

2007-06-18T06:15:00.000-04:00

With all the quality baseballers coming from the Far East, the One Man Invasion is reeling trying to keep up with all of them. The OMI has been a bit removed from the nation's past-time and with so many in the big leagues, we're struggling to differentiate between Oguchi, Wang, Matusaka, Okajima, et al. The one guy we do know is Seattle Mariner Ichiro Suzuki. The best of the imports from other side of the Pacific, Ichiro is not only a Hall of Fame player, he's also a Hall of Fame quote machine. His inability to speak English probably contributes to this as we're sure something is lost in the translation; regardless, the stuff that comes out of his mouth is pure genius. Here's a list of his best (thanks to Go Figueroa):

On how he convinced himself to get a hit: "Yesterday when I played, inside my head I said 'I want to go home quickly,' and I swung and I was able to get a hit because I wanted to go home," Ichiro said through a translator. "Today I thought, 'I want to hurry up and get something to eat,' and I swung and got a hit today."
On breaking out of a hitting slump: "Yesterday, I ate two ice creams," he said through an interpreter. "Usually I only eat one."
On the city of Cleveland: "To tell the truth, I'm not excited to go to Cleveland, but we have to," Ichiro said through an interpreter. "If I ever saw myself saying I'm excited going to Cleveland, I'd punch myself in the face, because I'm lying."
On coming to the United States to play in the MLB: "When I came here to play, I didn't know where I would be or where I wouldn't be."
On fans at Wrigley in Chicago: "Before the game started, the fans were nice and polite, and that was nice," Ichiro said. "But after the game started and they started drinking beer, lots of beer, their personality changed. And that was fun for me to see."
On the life philosophy: "I have many different Ichiros inside me," he said. "I'm always one of them. At different times, I have different personalities."

Going Green on the Pitch

2007-06-15T08:25:00.000-04:00

When running up and down the soccer field, the One Man Invasion was normally too busy looking for an opponent to kick into the air than to think about the destruction we were wreaking on the lovely grass. Thankfully for all you soccer-playing treehuggers out there (and there, unfortunately, are many of them), there is now a way to play soccer and actually help the pitch. Designer Daniel Wilhems recently created a set of replaceable studs that release a small dose of fertilizer from each stud with each step. The design won some contest in England for new sports stuff. Other winners include a wannabe Segway, clothes made from tree bark and a goggles-cam. The world is now safe.

I Am The Captain

2007-06-14T16:30:00.000-04:00

Some more of Romania's finest manele. This one from manele superstar Nicolae Guta. This is not a joke and the unintentional humor of this is almost off the charts. Note the paintball guns, the dancing girls who can't dance and the awful music.

Announcer's Stupidity

2007-06-12T13:21:00.000-04:00

Philadelphia Basketball

2007-06-12T07:12:00.000-04:00

From a Bill Simmons column:
Jared B. in New York wonders, "I don't know if you've mentioned this, but did you ever look at how many guys are on the payroll for 2006-07 for the Philadelphia 76ers and not playing for them? They are paying Chris Webber, Jamal Mashburn, Todd MacCulloch, Aaron McKie and Greg Buckner. For a total of $45 million, too. There has got to be some kind of conspiracy theory here how Billy King still has a job."

This has led the OMI to wonder: "What would be Billy King's first decision if he was to be president of the United States?"
Our best guess is that he would do something like declare America back on the gold standard or something equally disastrous to economic policy. Your best guess in the comments.

Serendipity Now!

2007-06-12T06:42:00.000-04:00

Now that the power of the American military has proven itself to be quite fallible, especially when guided by supreme idiots, the One Man Invasion finds itself left with only economic might to crow to sorry foreigners about the supremacy of the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave. Being the highbrow, high class blog that we are, we would rather let the macroeconomic facts speak for themselves and not resort to the tactic of opening our wallet, flashing our big bills and yelling, "See! See! Look how rich Americans are!" Thankfully we can now stop as the macroeconomic facts have been presented to us in perfect form. The folks over at Strangemaps.com have created a map which renames each American state for a nation with a similar GDP to the respected state. No prizes for guessing which super-awesome state Romania matches up with.

Two Years and What Have We Learned

2007-06-03T13:53:00.000-04:00

It's been two years in Romania for the One Man Invasion and what have we learned? Other than the Romanian language and that turkeys can't be walked, we can't really think of all that much at the moment. Skimming through a couple years' worth of blogs certainly jogged our memory but the most definitive guide to life came from Vice Magazine. The Vice Guide to Everything provides us with such wisdom as the Do's and Don'ts of conversation (talking about dreams are a def don't), jokes (have a few but don't be a goddamn showman) and booze ("Ideally, men only drink beer. That way, when you are kind enough to get a round, you don't have a bunch of L.A. faggots saying, 'I'll have a raspberry vodka with a splash of Citron and a fucking lime' or whatever."). So check it out and be learned.

Clint

2007-06-03T13:03:00.000-04:00

One Man Invasion friend Clint Hensley is a wonderful fantasy sports manager but unfortunately those skills do not save one from broken bones. As a final ~~time waster~~ assignment for his students, Clint had them make a short film in English. Clint's entry (see below) was to feature him taking a staged, short fall for a reason yet to be explained to the OMI. As you see, the short fall turns into a stuntman worthy tumble down a hill.

for his troubles, he got a broken hand

Art

2007-05-16T13:25:00.000-04:00

How much would you pay for this? What if it was on canvas? The Invasion is guessing that at the most you're saying somewhere between $50-100. Shame, because if you were willing to part with a little more than that, this Marc Rothko painting could be yours. A little more as in $72 million more.
Tuesday this painting, titled White Center, sold for $72.8 million breaking the record for post war art. No word on who bought this ~~glorified fingerpainting~~ modern masterpiece, but the Invasion is damn sure that the money could've been spent on a lot better things. Guesses as to who bought this and what you would spend $72 million on go in the comments.

Jerry Fallwell is Dead

2007-05-16T03:59:00.000-04:00

Jerry Fallwell recently died. He was a dick and a hateful person. Oddly enough he died within days of another dangerous religious loon, Mullah Dadullah. If there was a hell (there isn't), the Invasion believes justice would only be served if these two shared a dorm room with a hot, slutty lesbian. The Invasion cannot think of one good thing to say about Fallwell, but we have a list of plenty things he said. Read on and remember why this guy did nothing good for our world:

“AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals”
"It appears that America's anti-Biblical feminist movement is at last dying, thank God, and is possibly being replaced by a Christ-centered men's movement which may become the foundation for a desperately needed national spiritual awakening."
"If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being."
After the September 11 attacks Falwell said, “I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen."
“Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions”
“[Homosexuals are] brute beasts...part of a vile and satanic system [that] will be utterly annihilated, and there will be a celebration in heaven.

Thanks to BoingBoing.

A Call to Action

2007-05-15T16:16:00.000-04:00

For non-Deadspinners, the One Man Invasion kindly presents you to the World League. Formed in 1957 by Hong Kong billionaire Ken Kai-Tak, the World League "has a rich and colourful history, as does the World League Championship trophy. This enduring symbol of sporting excellence has been handed out every year, except 1961 due to the Grantham Incident." Current teams hail from all across the globe (hence, the World League) with the Manchester Exchequers currently tied for the league lead with the San Juan Huesos Rojos. At the bottom are the Copenhagen Great Danes and the Tokyo Six. Other squads include the excellently monikered Tehran Asaurus, Helsinki Telecom and Cairo Glyphs.
The World League is currently accepting applications for expansion franchises. The fee is a mere $75 and a professional sports team is all yours. The application process requires potential owners to sumbit to the league office a city, team name, stadium name, team roster, professional logo and front office. Teams that are accepted will be able to acquire team specific merchandise available through the World League's store. The OMI behooves you, loyal reader, to put together a consortium of some sort and purchase a franchise.

Rin...

2007-05-15T15:38:00.000-04:00

With Istanbul in our rearview mirror, the One Man Invasion refocuses its crosshairs on the important stuff, in particular animated Belgian reporters. The OMI's second favorite Belgian native, Tin Tin is getting the Hollywood treatment from bigwigs Steven Speilberg and Peter Jackson. For the ~~stupid~~ unaware, Tin Tin is the lead character in a series of books/comics that are super popular throughout the world, except in the States (also see: soccer, metric system, non-gigantic cars). Tin Tin was previously seen on the small screen in an HBO series back in the day. The Invasion is a big Tin Tin fan and is thoroughly looking forward to the first "Thundering typhoons!" or "Blistering barnacles!" bellowed by Captain Haddock.

Last of Istanbul - Topkapi Palace

2007-05-12T15:00:00.000-04:00

The One Man Invasion planned on posting pics from Topkapi Palace and writing about it as well, but we've beating you over the head with Istanbul and Turkey so here are the best of the rest for you to enjoy. Enjoy...

freshly squeezed oj is everywhere and tasty

fishing for hamsi

not a fan of the spoiled yogurt tasting beverage

finally something that unites Muslims and Jews

a funny picture taken from train

boo yah

Bridger Bishop

2007-05-10T01:49:00.000-04:00

This is the One Man Invasion's friend Bridger. He came to Istanbul with us although the blogging evidence seems not to back up this claim. Bridger made many great contributions to the trip such as spazzing out in front of the Topkapi Palace harem b/c he couldn't find his ticket, provoking a group of fat Spanish girls to call us all 'stupido americanos' and informing a girl from Atlanta that we met in our hostel that she hailed from the same county (Cobb County, GA) as the Big Boss Man. Below are some pictures of Mr. Bishop.

Bridger in front of the famous Blue Mosque

Bridger enjoys posing with baklava

Bridger can also talk to cats

Istanbul International Tulip Festival

2007-05-09T05:21:00.000-04:00

When the One Man Invasion and co. arrived in Istanbul, we stumbled across the International Tulip Festival. A symbol of Turkey, tulips were introduced into Western Europe by the Ottoman Empire under Suleyman the Magnificient. Apparently they take the festival quite seriously as you will see below.

Cats

2007-05-09T05:06:00.000-04:00

No stray dogs to see of in Istanbul, but cats are everywhere. And they are pretty aggressive.

Valens' Aqueduct (yes, more Istanbul)

2007-05-09T04:42:00.000-04:00

Valens' Aqueduct is named after Roman Emporer Valens who was emporer when the aqueduct was completed. Valens is often known as the 'Last True Roman' and is probably better known for leading his army to a catastrophic defeat at the Battle of Adrianople in 378. The loss marked the beginning of the end for the Roman Empire as the victorious Goths established themselves as a power to be feared.

Last of the real men

Ataturk

2007-05-06T05:59:00.000-04:00

The father of the modern Turkish republic, Mustafa Kemal Atatürk is absolutely everywhere in Istanbul and he dominates the modern state. Born in 1881, Atatürk first rose to prominence in the First World War at Gallipoli where the Ottomans repelled the Allied advances. Mustafa Kemal's quick, decisive actions were the difference between victory and defeat at Gallipoli and he was hailed as a national hero.
Following WWI and the partition of the Ottoman Empire, Mustafa Kemal led the Turkish forces in a war of independence that would lay the foundations of the Turkish republic. Mustafa Kemal soon helped establish a Turkish nationalist movement that opposed the Allied occupation of Turkey. After military victories against the Greeks and the Armenians, Mustafa Kemal turned his attention to matters of building the newly formed Turkish Republic which had been declared in late 1923.
As a member of the Young Turk Movement in his youth, Mustafa Kemal enacted their progressive societal and political ideas that formed the foundation of the new republic. Representative democracy, separation of chuch and state and economic independence were all advocated and thrust upon the new nation by Mustafa Kemal and his newly formed Republican People's Party. A cultural revolution was also undertaken as education was modernized, the Turkish language was codified in the Roman alphabet and made the official state language, freedoms were granted to women and western styles were promoted. Also, in a move that is hailed as pure genius by the One Man Invasion, Mustafa Kemal went against the traditional anti-alcohol teachings of Islam and actively encouraged the national production of alcohol. In 1934 the Law of Surnames was adopted (forcing all people to take a last name), and the National Assembly bestowed the name Atatürk ('Father of the Turks') on Mustafa Kemal.
After Atatürk's death in 1938, his successor created a cult of personality surrounding Atatürk that has survived until this day. Atatürk's face and words are everywhere. His face is on every piece of money, in schools and in all public buildings. Also his name graces plenty of structures. In Istanbul alone there is Atatürk International Airport, Atatürk Bridge over the Golden Horn and Atatürk Stadium.
Wikipedia (more OMI laziness) sums up Atatürk well by stating:

Atatürk sought to modernize and democratize a new Turkish Republic from the remnants of the Ottoman Empire. In his quest to do so, Atatürk had implemented far-reaching reforms, the consequence of which has led Turkey towards the European Union today. The emphasis placed on secularism and nationalism had also led to a degree of conflict within society. Some practicing Muslims found the idea of secularism as being against the teaching of Islam, and criticize the state for not allowing full freedom of religion. In Turkey to this day Islam is still curbed and women are not allowed to wear their head scarves in public buildings....Atatürk continues to be revered throughout Turkey and his principles remain the backbone of modern Turkish politics.

two visionaries

The Bosphorus

2007-05-05T09:34:00.000-04:00

The Bosphorus is the straight that forms the boundary between Europe and Asian. Splitting Istanbul and Turkey, the straight connects the Black Sea to the Mediterranean via the Sea of Marmara. Being a bit lazy today, the One Man Invasion mines Wikipedia for more info on the Bosphorus:

As the narrowest point of passage between the Black Sea and the Mediterranean, the Bosporus has always been of great commercial and strategic importance. The Greek city-state of Athens in the 5th century BC, which was dependent on grain imports from Scythia, therefore maintained critical alliances with cities which controlled the straits, such as the Megarian colony Byzantium.
The strategic significance of the strait was one of the factors in the decision of the Roman Emperor Constantine the Great to found there in 330 AD his new capital, Constantinople, which came to be known as the capital of the Eastern Roman Empire. [In] 1453 it was conquered by the emerging Ottoman Empire. In fact, as the Ottoman Turks closed in on Constantinople, they constructed a fortification on each side of the strait.

Europe----------------------------------------Asia

Turkish Toilets

2007-05-05T08:56:00.000-04:00

just as advertised

Podcast Goodness

2007-05-03T05:03:00.000-04:00

Taking a break from Istanbul, the One Man Invasion would just like to recommend a podcast to our loyal readers. MaximumFun.org's The Sound of Young America describes itself as a cross between NPR's Fresh Air (another great podcast) and Late Night with Conan O'Brien. The podcast features interesting interviews with interesting people who have interesting things to say. Recently Ted Leo chatted with host Jesse Thorn about his new album, his writing process and how he deals with growing old in a young man's game. Interview subjects range from comedian Zach Galifanakis to the creator of Aqua Teen Hunger Force to a guy who wrote an award winning book on hip-hop to rapper Peedi Crack. Good listening for the long commute to and from work or for two hour train rides to the county capital to pick up a package from home.

Got $30 Million?

2007-04-29T05:17:00.001-04:00

In a meeting with AP Sports Editors, Major League Soccer Commish Don Garber said he is hopeful that a deal to bring an MLS team to Philadelphia will be finalized within the next few months. Garber stated that Philly is one of the top cities being considered for an expansion franchise. The word on the internets is that the $30 million required up front for a team is proving to be a bit steep. The One Man Invasion will soon be starting a fund to raise the cash, get the franchise and run the organization. We are currently looking for team names and resumes for all positions. Perhaps we can even find a job for an OMI friend.

True Cultural Exchange pt. 2

2007-04-28T16:50:00.000-04:00

Bastion of infallible truth Wikipedia states, "The Ottoman Empire (ed - read Turkey) indeed created a vast array of technical specialities. It can be observed that various regions of the Ottoman Empire contain bits and pieces of the vast Ottoman dishes."
With that in mind, the One Man Invasion and friends went to Istanbul for some serious edible delights. On the train ride home, the tally of famous eateries hit reads as such: McDonalds - 2, Burger King - 1.
The most maddening part of when it came to the culinary part of our journey was the fact that Istanbul itself was taunting us. The city was littered with ads for KFC's Mighty Zinger, a chicken sandwich that looked so tasty we could not help but search the city for a KFC. Alas, the Mighty Zinger was not found and our hopes and dreams were shattered. Regardless, it was nice to see American finest food available in another land. Cheers to America.

True Cultural Exchange (more of Istabul)

2007-04-28T13:29:00.000-04:00

Considered one of the world's finest religious buildings, The Hagia Sofia (Aya Sofia) lies in the heart of historic Istanbul. Built by Roman Emporer Justinian I in 532, the church struck/strikes awe in its visitors due to its magnificent and massive dome. Even more impressive is the fact that the dome is supported by buttresses and not by any internal columns which results in a gigantic open space inside. In 1453 after the Ottoman Turks conquered Istanbul, the Hagia Sofia was made into a mosque and in 1935 Mustafa Kemal Ataturk (more on him in a future post) turned it into a museum.

The One Man Invasion and friends visited the Hagia Sofia and were pretty disappointed as restoration was underway and a massive column of scaffolding was smack in the middle of the building. While let down, our fortunes quickly changed as mirth soon turned to humor. The area around the Hagia Sofia is filled with tourists and as we were exiting, we heard the familiar twang of the English spoken in the lovely accent of the Southern United States. A woman who had just got off her tour bus was chasing after her Turkish tour guide and, fortuitously, the Invasion caught what the woman was asking: "Bowling?! Do y'all have bowling here?!" Our laughs could probably be heard across the Bosphorus. Nothing says Ugly American like a thick southern accent at one of the world's most important religious sites asking if there bowling in the vicinity.
Later that evening, the OMI and friends went out to have a few drinks and celebrate a good day of site seeing. As if dictated by fate, we stumbled across a small watering hole that not only served relatively cheap beer, but also offered fun while you drank. You guessed it:

future American president Russell Shankland gets ready to roll

Not Constantinople

2007-04-26T09:36:00.000-04:00

This past spring break the One Man Invasion rounded up three rubes foolish enough to trust us with leading an expedition and we headed south through Bulgaria to Istanbul, Turkey. Throughout the next week or two, we'll post tidbits about our time there: Hagia Sophia, the Bosphorus, the booze, the 18 hour train ride, being in Asia, baklava, the booze, Topkapi Palace...you get the point. Below is the first installment, an ancient tablet that we stumbled across while in the Istanbul Archaeology Museum. We are sure that it will be of use to many of our male readers.

Taking it to the People

2007-04-25T05:55:00.000-04:00

Romanian politics has been in a crisis all spring as open war has broken out between the governing parties of the ruling coalition resulting in an upcoming national referendum on the impeachment of President Traian Basescu. The fighting between Basescu, the unofficial leader of the Democratic Party (PD), and Prime Minister Calin Popescu-Tariceanu, head of the National Liberal Party (PNL), over the investigations of Justice Minister, and Basescu fave, Monica Macovei resulted in the breaking down of the PNL-PD coalition. PM Tariceanu replaced Macovei against the wishes of European Union bureaucrats who desire less corruption and more transparency in Romania's judicial system. The dismissal of Macovei resulted in a rare public statement of pessimism from US Ambassador Nicholas Taubman who said, "What I know for certain is that it is very important for Romania to continue to make progress on key areas like justice reform and in fighting corruption." Many believe that Tariceanu's actions are simply to protect a friend/political partner from coming under Macovei's scrutiny and Parliament members were glad to see her go for fear that they would be caught in the investigative net. Regardless, with the coalition in pieces, a power struggle has been underway with Basescu accused of violating the constitution. The main theme of the violations is that Basescu overreached his authority and became involved in partisan politics which the president is forbade from doing by the constitution (Basescu had to resign from the PD when he was elected).
Last week the Romanian Parliament voted to suspend Basescu and set a date for a national referendum on whether or not Basescu should be impeached. The constitution states that a complete majority must voted to oust Basescu meaning that a massive turnout will be needed for the referendum to pass as there are close to 20 million people in Romania, about 10 million 'no Basescu' voted will be needed.
In the past few days, Basescu has made several public appearances drumming up public support. He has claimed that the politicians in Parliament are against them because he fights corruption and they fear that they will be investigated if Basescu is allowed to stay in office.
The One Man Invasion firmly believes that the referendum won't succeed. Basescu is rather popular with the Romanian public as many believe that he is one of the few trustworthy politicians in the country. His approval rating is about 50% which should be more than enough to see him through the referendum. On the other hand, many within the PD believe that this is just a ruse by the rest of Parliament so that if/when they introduce legislation that bars anyone running for political office who has been previously suspended from office, Basescu will not be able to seek reelection.
All in all this is just another political episode in a long drama that has its roots in the lack of quality leadership following the fall of communism that will only contribute to the disillusionment of the public. And on that high note, we wish you a good day.

First State

2007-03-27T11:09:00.000-04:00

Although the One Man Invasion has left home in search of gold and glory, it doesn't mean that we've turned our back on where our heart is. Thanks to the power of the interwebs, we've kept an eye on hometown news. The Wilmington News Journal is the first stop and while that doesn't yield much (Ryan Cormier's blog is a rare bright spot), Dana Garrett's Delaware Watch is simply awesome. Delaware Watch is a true watchdog blog and the reporting is great stuff. Garrett covers it all, Wilmington to Georgetown, and he slays the crooked wanks that are running the First State. Subscribe via RSS or just bookmark it, Delaware Watch gets the Invasion's highest possible recommendation.

More Hello English

2007-03-19T04:13:00.000-04:00

the music is the greatest

Gimme Da Gold

2007-03-19T03:47:00.000-04:00

Awkward Toad recently posted one of the classic YouTube videos of all time and the One Man Invasion, putting our journalistic skills to use, has come across gem that adds a bit more depth to this feel-good story. So zip on over to MySpace and make yourself a new friend. Also take the time to listen to the hottest cut this side of Hall & Oates "Rich Girl" and pick up some new gear while you're at it.

The Jackalope

2007-03-14T08:58:00.000-04:00

Imaginary animals are normally the territory of the One Man Invasion's blood-brother IrvingLongface, but since Longface is outta the blog game, the OMI feels responsible to carry the torch. It appears that the mythical jackalope is the real deal. The jackalope is quite a creature ("a cross between a jackrabbit and an antelope, goat, or deer, and is usually portrayed as a rabbit with antlers") and has spawned many a legend.

It has also been said that the jackalope can convincingly imitate any sound, including the human voice. It uses this ability to elude pursuers, chiefly by using phrases such as "There he goes! That way!". It is said that a jackalope may be caught by putting a flask of whiskey out at night. The jackalope will drink its fill of whiskey and its intoxication will make it easier to hunt. It is also legend that the Cherokee Indians would eat these at the end of a vision quest. It has also been said that jackalopes will only breed during electrical storms with hail, explaining its rarity. The jackalope is the product of the mating of a male jackrabbit with a female antelope.

Certain Invasion colleagues love to bang on about the jackalope and recent posts on awesome blog BoingBoing explain the beast. Rabbits that are infected with Shopes Papillomavirus gives them the appearance of having antlers. Even better, there are links to videos and pics of the jackalope. Frankly, the OMI would be happy if we never run across one of these in our lifetime.

Your Boy is Back

2007-03-13T17:18:00.000-04:00

Elvis in '68, Buffalo Bills vs Houston Oilers First Round of Playoffs '92, and Jake Czerwin. A group of over-medicated meatheads heading towards an inevitable demise? Close but not quite. Three for-sure losers that turned things around to be winners? Closer, but not what we were going for. Three of the greatest comebacks in recent memory? Bingo!
Summer is just around the corner and that can only mean a few dozen hundred things. One of them is kickoff of the annual Philadelphia Phillies Torment Their Fans Drive that will begin in April and last until the Braves/Mets/Marlins take the NL East and the wild card spot is taken by a team that doesn't live in Suck City, also known as Philadelphia. Another harbinger of summer is Memorial Day, a day when we remember how drunk we all got last year and try to top it this year. But, let's be honest, the most known sign of summer is the restart of the Wiffleball For Alcohol Season.
As tradition dictates, aforementioned League Commissioner Jacob T. Czerwin is back and has started to post on the WFA Blog for all those lusting after some pre-season chatter. So click on over there and marvel at the new and improved league page, put in your two cents regarding some new rules and laugh at a picture of Staib with a butt in his face.

It's Outrageous, Egregious, Preposterous!

2007-03-13T10:38:00.000-04:00

Recently at the hipster love-in also known as the South by Southwest Festival, the Seventh Annual Weblog Awards were given out and in a decision as shocking as it is stupid, the One Man Invasion was overlooked. While we perfectly understand not winning Best Australian/New Zealand blog and especially Best GLBT (whatever that means) blog, we are that we were not even nominated, let alone awarded. As we are far too humble to nominate ourselves, the blame must be placed on you, so-called loyal reader, for not putting us up to be recognized for the beacon of genius that we are. No more rants from us today, just check out the winners and nominees, it's some of the best the internets has to offer. Now you can go back to your Nirvana album you apathetic slackers.

A Project From September

2007-03-10T16:15:00.000-05:00

Last September the OMI's sitemate decided to start a project where he would clean the area around the numerous mountain springs that are located all around town. Most aren't really looked after regardless if people take water from them. Some are in pretty ugly condition, but with a little work they could look nice and the town could be beautified. It would also probably be beneficial to the people that actually get water from these things. I'm not really sure what the exact plan was, but The Invasion is always willing to help out a friend and we had nothing else to do anyway. Two students came and helped as did some old guy with a few teeth who follows our sitemate around. Here are some pics to ponder over:

doing some work

just about finished

an inspector comes to check out the work

our work meets with approval

Food

2007-03-10T16:11:00.000-05:00

This is where the One Man Invasion does the food shopping. Fruits and vegetables here are good, just make sure to wash thoroughly, ya know.

These Are Not the Droids You're Looking For

2007-03-10T15:45:00.000-05:00

In a soon-to-be unsuccessful attempt to lure Star Wars geeks from their computers and emails and internets, the US Postal Service is introducing R2-D2 mailboxes. The mailboxes are helping to celebrate the 30th anniversary of the release of the A New Hope. No word yet on when the Jar-Jar Binks mailboxes will be released.

Jack Bauer Rules, but Not About 24

2007-03-09T02:54:00.000-05:00

While recently watching an episode of 24 (best cop show ever), it came to the Invasion's attention that a horror movie about an evil hitchhiker will be coming out/has come out. The One Man Invasion has felt compelled to post on this probably-shite flick not because of its likely stupidity or because of the horror movie revival, but we've sprung into action because The Hitcher is giving a bad name to, well, hitchhiking. Hitchhiking is a common practice here in Romania and at the edge of every town/city there's an area where one can catch a ride (see above). Unfortunately one is expected to pay for the ride, but it's normally less than a bus or a train ticket. Hitchhiking lost its luster in the States after a spate of crimes in the 1970s and stupid movies like the aforementioned keep it from making any kind of comeback. In Romania hitchhiking doesn't carry the risk of murder, but it's far from safe. Regardless, the fearless One Man Invasion hitches a ride every now and then and we are normally forced into the same long conversation explaining why we're here and what we're doing and if we like Romanian gals and we end up wishing that we never mentioned that we could speak Romanian.

Hello Ladies

2007-03-08T11:42:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time we felt that there was no one word that could describe the One Man Invasion. Thanks to renowned ~~smut-peddler~~ fashion designer Calvin Klein, those days are no more. Last year in anticipation of its marketing campaign for the new 'CK in2u' fragrance, Klein trademarked the word "technosexual", a word that, more than any other, captures the essence of the OMI. The new fragrance will be unleashed on April 1 and is being marketed to so-called millenials, people born between 1982 and 1995. The New York Times looks at the upcoming marketing campaign for the new fragrance and how Calvin Klein sees it as the perfect fit for the new generation. Needless to say there will be plenty of internet ads and YouTube stuff, but the Invasion's favorite line from the campaign has to be this gem: “She likes how he blogs, her texts turn him on. It’s intense. For right now.” Story of the OMI's life.

Just Give Them Some Aristocrat Vodka

2007-03-08T10:08:00.000-05:00

According to a blogger from Wired Magazine, the US Navy is researching a weapon that will shoot an invisible beam that will cause people to puke. The non-lethal weapon is one of many that will be showcased at the Navy's Opportunity Forum. Apparently the weapon can even shoot through walls incapacitating all those in a room. Invocon Inc, the weapon's producer notes that secondary effects would include "extreme motion sickness."
While this would be the coolest thing ever to own, the One Man Invasion believes the military has just gone too far this time. The poor Muslim people that will get hit with this sweet weapon don't even drink. They are going to have to suffer the horrendous bedspins and vomiting that come with a night on the booze without the fun of getting bombed. Or will they? Hey-Oh! (rimshot!) Inappropriate jokes aside, the Invasion demands to know how much one of these things would cost. How awesome would it be if you had something that is guaranteed to make people puke on command? Pretty awesome, we say.

finally an post where we can use this picture

AwkwardToad Returns

2007-03-08T09:49:00.000-05:00

Fresh off a whirlwind few weeks of showing his wang to most of upstate New York, everyone's favorite US-based blogger is back. The AwkwardToad has not only returned, ladies and germs, but he has promised the world a post a day for the month of March. The One Man Invasion applauds such daring acts, and we've decided it's time for his hat to be thrown in the ring. AwkwardToad for president.

He's in it to win

From the "If You Can't Beat 'Em, Join 'Em" Files

2007-03-01T15:59:00.000-05:00

Struggling to combat human trafficking and the sexual exploitation of women, Romania has decided to pull the old switcheroo (or is it 'what's good for the goose is good for the gander'). Recently Interior Minister Vasile Blaga commented that the Romanian response to combat the increase in illegal prostitution will be to simply legalize it. Blaga said that a draft of the law will be ready in about a month.
Apparently the United Nations has listed Romania as one of the world's biggest sources of trafficked persons, most of them women that will go onto work as strippers or prostitutes. The One Man Invasion has never had any contact with this nefariousness, but needless to say, Mr. Blaga has gained our attention.
Shockingly, the Invasion does not approve. We say legalize hooking after human trafficking is cleaned up (and the girls too) then let Roxanne turn on her red light. Also, legalizing prostitution seems like the ultimate cop out. The Romanian government can't deal with the massive scale of the crimes so they are just trying to sweep the crimes under a legislative carpet. Basically, they can't solve the problem so just make the problem legal.
In related news South Africa has decided to repeal laws against murder, mugging students has been decriminalized on the University of Delaware campus and MySpace has legalized pedophilic stalking.

More Inventors

2007-02-28T08:15:00.000-05:00

With the death of Robert Adler, the world is in need of another great inventor. As far as the Invasion is concerned, the search has over. Feast your eyes on the Robotic Beer Launching Refrigerator and be amazed.

Robotic Beer Launching Refrigerator

ATHF

2007-02-28T08:06:00.000-05:00

kingcolon.com
music is killer

Soccer, No Gypsies This Time

2007-02-23T16:49:00.000-05:00

While Banel Nicolita (see below) may be the One Man Invasion's fave Romanian player, there's no question that Brian McBride is our favorite American. Capped 90 times, McBride has scored 30 goals for the USMNT including three World Cup goals. The first ever #1 pick in the MLS draft, McBride started with the Columbus Crew before trading up and heading to England where he is currently starring with London side Fulham. Last year McBride was Fulham's player of the year as Fulham is slowly becoming the home for ex-pat American soccer players. American defender Carlos Bocanegra has been there for a few seasons and this past winter midfielder/rapper Clint Dempsey made the move to the Foxes. The Fulham web site recently posted an article/interview with McBride and it's a nice read that highlights the striker's toughnessand his face that is "reinforced with six titanium plates after both cheekbones fell victim to defenders’ elbows or heads." This weekend Fulham take on league leaders, and scourge of the Invasion, Manchester United. Go Fulham.

The Gypsy Flash

2007-02-22T14:43:00.000-05:00

Second-tier European soccer tournament, the UEFA Cup, resumes tonight with Romanian big shots, Steaua Bucharest, in a 0-2 hole against Spanish title contenders Sevilla. Last week Steaua lost in Bucharest to Sevilla and now must perform the near impossible and win in Andalucia where Sevilla is seriously badass. Basically Steaua has no chance. Win or lose, Steaua's fate should not overshadow the great story that is Banel Nicolita. Nicolita (Nick-o-leets-a) or as the Invasion prefers, The Gypsy Flash, is one of Romanian soccer's hot young prospects that has come from the absolute bottom to be on the top. The 22-year old winger is currently being courted by Western European (read: richer) clubs, Nicolita got his start for a no name village team where "fans tried to lynch him after he was caught stealing apples from an orchard on the way home from a game." Due to his ethnic background (gypsy/rrom/tigan), Nicolita takes a lot of abuse from fans and deals with tons of racism. He's the one of the few big-name gypsy soccer player in Romania and is so associated with his race that the opening lines to the Steaua manele song are "Forza Steaua, Forza Steaua, Forza Banel Nicolita!" For those of you not versed on the intracacies of Romanian music, manele is strongly associated with Gypsies. The Invasion could go on for hours about the state of Gypsies: Romanians are racist, but Gypsies don't try to integrate into society although they take/ask for handouts from society, but even if they try to integrate they are so discriminated that it's near impossible, etc. While all the sociological stuff is interesting and all, it doesn't matter on the pitch and Nicolita is the OMI's favorite Romanian player. Indeed, forza Banel Nicolita.

Hotness and Jess Czerwin

2007-02-22T07:41:00.000-05:00

They recently fell to 2-8-1 record against the US Men's National Team since 2000, tortilla prices are at a record high and illegal border crossings into the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave have been cut by 40%. Now add losing the title of world's hottest pepper to Mexico's recent woes. Step back Red Savina, step forward India's Bhut Jolokia. The Bhut Jolokia or "The Ghost Pepper" packs over 1 million Scoville Heat Units, the measuring unit of pepper 'hotness', trouncing the former record of 580,000 SHUs held by the Red Savina. Just for comparison, standard grade pepper spray measures between 2 million and 5 million SHUs while Habanero Tabasco Sauce hits only 8,000.
The Invasion doesn't dabble much in flaming hot peppers; Romanians are unbelievably touchy when it comes down to hot foods and the OMI is no pepper masochist. While we're no expert, we're sure that we've tasted the world's spiciest drink. Many moons ago a man known as Patass made a bloody mary in which he mixed a vial of Mephisto's blood. The Invasion took a sip and a thermometer-busting fever immediately set in. A braver soul took up the challenge for quite a tidy sum but after a few gulps, she puked. So someone make the order (call The Chili Pepper Institute at (505) 646-3028) for Bhut Jolokia and see if Jessica Czerwin is up to the task.

Poverty and Death

2007-02-22T04:58:00.000-05:00

According to a recent Eurostat study, the eastern province of Romania, Moldova, is the poorest region in the entire European Union. Per capita income in Moldova is only 24% of the EU average. No special prizes to those who guess where the One Man Invasion lives. Neither Bridger "King of Moldova" Bishop or Russell "King of Culdalbi" Shankland could explain Moldova's poverty. Perhaps living under the rule by fiat is a bit harsh, no? Neither man would comment.
In other good news, Romania leads the European Union in road fatalities. A 10-year study yielded (again Eurostat) statistics that show the road safety gap between East and West Europe to be quite large. Hotnews.ro described the difference as "hallucinating." The OMI has no idea why, or more importantly how, these facts would make one hallucinate, but we'll make sure to pass the step-by-step process for achieving a statistical trip the moment that we are made aware. Our best guess involves a lunch of racitora, a garlic flavored gelatin interspersed with pork. It is as revolting as it sounds.
For every 1 million Romanian passengers, over 700 bite the proverbial dust. Leading Western European countries have just over 100 deaths per 1 million passengers. The study may or may not go on to rebuke the popular Romanian belief that the massive number of religious trinkets and baseball card-esque icons on car and especially maxi-taxi dashboards will keep passengers safe.
For an explanation as to why the death rate is so high, please see the previous Dacia entry and know that Romanian drivers are not only bad but crazy. Don't fret, loyal reader, for The Invasion sticks to trains.

(photo courtesty of Fenblog)

Obits

2007-02-19T15:03:00.000-05:00

Robert Adler, co-creator of the television remote control, died Thursday and The Associated Press has easily the best lede: "Hit the mute button for a moment of silence: The co-inventor of the TV remote, Robert Adler, has died." A prolific inventor, Adler created the Zenith Space Command remote control in 1956 and along with it lazy, zombie-eyed couch potatoes. He also is the father of other technologies that are/were used in missiles, color televisions, mobile phones and scores of other things.
Although the OMI's current television doesn't have a remote, we vaguely remember ones that had them and we must admit that remotes really rule. Getting up to change the channel completely ruins the TV watching experience and the more we think about it, the more important we deem this invention. Imagine a world without remotes. Stuck watching hours of commercials b/c you're too lazy to get up, no endless searches resulting from a lost remote and always getting caught by roommates while you're watching ~~scrambled Spice~~ Real World/Road Rules Challenge reruns. So place your hand over your heart, say a prayer and pour some out for, a truly visionary man.
In related news, a 70 year old New York resident was found dead in his home Thursday. He had been dead for over a year and his mummified corpse was found sitting in front of a blaring television set. No word on whether or not he was watching ~~scrambled Spice~~ Real World/Road Rules Challenge.

Apologies, Mr. Holmes

2007-02-18T10:04:00.000-05:00

Public transportation isn't quite up to snuff in CampMo, but why should it be? Town is small enough to walk around except if you live on the outskirts. Since it's basically just one long street (CampMo is 13km long but less than one wide) public transportation is just two buses that go from one end of the town to the other, turn around and come back. The town has recently purchased a new bus but it's still probably 10 years old. Regardless, the new acquisition has significantly lowered the average age of the fleet because the other ones are straight ancient. How ancient you ask? Apparently, pipes were being smoked frequently enough to warrant a reminder not to smoke them on the bus.

Death for Dacia

2007-02-16T08:10:00.000-05:00

In a bid to meet European Union pollution standards, the Romanian government is offering owners of old Dacias 3000 new lei ($1100) to junk their decaying rides. Dacia was the national Romanian car manufacturer from 1966-1999 but is now a subsidiary of Renault. Dacias were originally built with help from Renault, but under communism Dacia attempted to go at it alone starting in the late 70s. The communist Dacias followed the august tradition laid by other commie autos like Trabant, Yugo and Lada. The current Dacias, in particular the Dacia Logan, have been completely revamped and are loved throughout the developing world and even Western Europe for their low price, fuel economy and no frills quality. The One Man Invasion even spotted them in Morocco.
Many Americans have seen an old Dacia in its glory in the opening scenes of Borat as the car being towed by a horse. The OMI has had the distinct pleasure of taking several rides in varying ancient Dacias and they all were pieces of junk. With the diabolical contribution of Romanian roads, riding in one of the old Dacias is simply hell. Add that to the pollution factor (as well as the fact that they are far from safe) and The Invasion applauds the decision to get them off the roads and the planet.

Hello English

2007-02-14T12:02:00.000-05:00

Life as a TEFL (teaching English as a foreign language) volunteer is serious stuff. Enriching the minds of foreign youth while making sure that the cultural brainwashing they receive is well disguised is quite the responsibility. Daily contact with Romanian youngsters makes molding pro-American minds a bit easier, but the ultimate tool in mental zombification, the television, has always been just beyond our grasp. Thanks to the stellar efforts of some OMI colleagues, this is no longer. Hello English, a soon-to-be hit educational program, is written, acted, produced, etc by Invasion friends. Below is a sneak preview of the series, prepare to be blown away.

Back That Thang Up

2007-02-12T19:33:00.000-05:00

The year was 2000, the Invasion was finishing up high school, Anna Nicole Smith (RIP) was still alive, and Juvenile was spreading the Cash Money gospel across speakers nationwide. Now it goes without saying that the One Man Invasion preferred the dirty version, rap without swearing is like the internet without pornography, but for the sake of this post lets hark back to the MTV version of Juve's masterpiece.
Unfortanately for the OMI it was too much harking as we recently forgot the prophet's message. We failed to back that thang up; the thang in this case being our computer data. This left the Invasion stuck in Romania asking 'may i have another?' (think Animal House, not Oliver Twist) and Dell was the dude holding the paddle. Yes, loyal reader, our hard drive crashed; not pleasant at all. Eventually the OMI got a hard drive but just in time, the Man has decided to infiltrate the Invasion with rules and regulations. For this I will refer you to the newly relocated Fenblog, but for the moment, we will leave you with some links to Lifehacker.com to show you how to heed Juve's gospel.

Self Repairing Hard Drive
Automatically Back Up Your Hard Drive
Hard Drive Janitor

The Juvenile video is below for those that forget it. All that dancing and rapping, no wonder the Lord smote New Orleans.

Sibiu, Culture Capital (?)

2007-01-08T11:15:00.000-05:00

Apparently getting into the European Union wasn't enough for some Romanians, for on January 1st Sibiu, a Transylvania city, was named a cultural capital of Europe. Each year the EU Parliament names a couple of cities cultural capitals. This year along with Sibiu, Luxembourg was named a capital.
While Sibiu is one of Romania's nicest cities, it is far from a culture capital. The Invasion was in Sibiu for a week in December 2005 and it was far from inspiring. In fact, the most inspiring thing was the American front court duo of Darnell Clavon and Brian Evans, players on the city basketball team. Next was some sweet bar that served cheap tequila. Other than that, Sibiu was far from impressive. Although the city was undergoing extensive construction in preparation for this year, the Invasion was far from impressed and we have absolutely no clue how EU officials were tricked into naming Sibiu a cultural capital.

Congratulations to Romania

2007-01-08T11:09:00.000-05:00

For Romanians January 1st was not only the beginning of 2007 but it also marked Romania's entry into the European Union. It's an exciting time here of conflicting emotions. Like fans of the Philadelphia Eagles, Romanians are very wary of their success only because the following failures will hurt all the more. With the help of EU euros and increased foreign investment, Romania should be on the cusp of a period of great growth, but with the help of a fragile political landscape and still rampant corruption, Romania could easily squander their great chance. Twenty years ago, Romania was still a police state ruled by fiat, now it is a member of the European Union. Certainly the next twenty years will be rather interesting. Back in the present, the OMI hasn't seen any changes save for a passport stamp. Of course it would be the stamps.
Here are a few Romania+EU facts to ponder (thanks to The Economist)
GDP per head = $4,490, EU average = $29,330
EU cash might account for up to 2% of GDP 2007-13
current account deficit = 10.3%, Euro zone average = 0.1%
have any other facts to add? put 'em in the comments

How the EU Will Steal Christmas

2006-12-20T08:11:00.000-05:00

When Romania joins the European Union on January 1 many throughout the country will rejoice, others aren't so happy. While economic opportunity knocks, cultural tradition gets knocked down (see what we did there?).
Beginning in 2007 strict EU rules regarding the animal cruelty, booze making and corpse handling will become law in Romania. These rules which put the kibosh on Romanian traditions such as slaughtering a pig by cutting its throat and selling cheese wrapped in goat intestines on the side of the road. George Margit, speaking with London's Telegraph said it best. "I thought when we joined the EU we'd get lots of benefits and freedom," said Mr Margarit, 40, a railway worker. "But what does freedom mean if I can't slaughter my own pig in my back yard?" Also you must ask yourself, "what does freedom mean if I can't keep a corpse in my home for longer than three days?" or "what does freedom mean if I can't produce 100 proof brandy in my home?"
While the One Man Invasion will be disappointed to see these traditions prohibited, we want to remind you that we're talking about enforcing rules in Romania. The OMI highly doubts that next year's Christmas pig will be killed by a tazer, temperance groups will sprout up and all food will be inspected. Honestly this is just a disaster waiting to happen and unless Romanians start being more careful with their food, a serious problem could occur.

On Iverson

2006-12-13T07:11:00.000-05:00

With Allen Iverson having cleaned out his locker and the Philadelphia 76ers having lost eight on the trot, the One Man Invasion has given up on the 76ers present, leaving the future to predict and the past to be fondly remembered. Predicting the future is easy. The Sixers will make a trade and get less than what Iverson is worth in the form of players and draft picks. The players will be a study in mediocrity and the only salvageable part of the trade will be the picks. Unfortunately, Sixers' GM Billy King is a moron and the picks won't balance the trade. Actually, King will probably trade the picks away for Derrick Coleman and Grant Hill, rewarding the two with giant, long term contracts. Within weeks, if not days, the trio of Chris Webber, Coleman and Hill will fall to pieces as all succumb to the injuries that have been plaguing them for the better part of the decade. The 76ers will be stuck with the contracts and the three will join Jamal Mashburn in Montego Bay sipping martinis and cashing checks signed by Billy King.
Since the future is officially dismal, the past is all that is left for us. The Awkward Toad has a vid of Iverson's 10 Best. Below is our contribution.

It's simply unacceptable that Iverson never did play with someone worth a damn. He is one of the best players of his generation and, arguably, one of the 50 best of all time. His best teammates were Dikembe Mutumbo (who couldn't score), Chris Webber (a injured shadow of his former self) and no one else. The 76ers front office should be crucified for wasting a player of his talent. With hope wherever Iverson goes next he will have an all-star to play alongside. The same thing happened with Charles Barkley. One of the greatest stuck condemned to play alongside mediocrity for his Philly years. Unfortunately, the same is happening w/Donovan McNabb as the Eagles refuse to spend all their cap money and therefore lack a solid offensive line and a marquee running back. Philadelphia sports, ugh.

The Invasion Continues...

2006-12-11T04:21:00.000-05:00

...and we're bringing some friends. Ziarul Financiar reports that imports of Jack Daniel's will increase in 2007. BDG, Jack's importer, estimates the sales volume will grow by 30-40% next year which can only be good news.
Following Jack Daniels is the US military, natch. The military, mainly the Air Force and the Army, will take over a Romanian air base in Constanta this April. About 1500 troops will start training there with the US gov't dropping $34 million on base upgrades. Human Rights Watch has singled out the Romanian base as a possible location of a clandestine CIA jail, but Romania has repeatedly denied involvement. Troops from the Alabama Guard trained at the base last year and gave $3000 to an area orphanage. The OMI's Alabamian correspondent couldn't be reached for comment as he is glued to the television awaiting the announcement of the Crimson Tide's next football coach.

Turkey Eat

2006-12-10T03:30:00.000-05:00

To be completely honest, Thanksgiving dinner provided a rather weak ending for the saga of the turkey. It was stuffed, cooked and eaten. That's about all there is to it. Most of the day was spent preparing the meal at the three different volunteers' homes. The Invasion's home took care of a turkey, potatoes and other stuff. Kenny's spot did a turkey and some stuff. Mara's place took care of pies and carrots and some other stuff. The OMI's lack of specificity is due to the fact that we had nothing to do with the food prep. On occasion we were called on to go to the store and pick up some stuff, but most of our time was spent setting the table and walking to the different homes and ~~eating the food they were preparing~~ testing for poison.
After the meal, we all sat and watched Borat and laughed riotously, particularly at the first scene. The village is sooo Romanian and when Borat's 'wife' yells at him, it is a glorious string of Romanian profanity which we all understood. Plenty of photos were taken, see for yourself.
for the pies
ready to eat
battle of the wishbone
all the pies
too much food

Autographs

2006-12-07T11:03:00.000-05:00

Before the Invasion was rampaging on foreign soil, the OMI was a young boy who was hooked on baseball, the Baltimore Orioles and baseball cards. Weekend days were frequently spent sorting, resorting and trading baseball cards, and on occasion the One Man Invasion would send a favorite player a card and a letter asking for an autograph. In hindsight, getting someone's autograph is a pretty silly thing, but that's what kids do. Adults don't do silly things, they do stupid things because, frankly, adults should know better. The Invasion sent out several requests for autographs but only the great Mickey Tettleton and pretty good Jerome Walton were good enough to return my card with their precious John Hancock. Apparently former Phillies pitcher Don Carman recently stumbled across a box of fifteen year-old fanmail and has started answering the letters. The story is on Slate.com and it's a great read for any kid who collected cards and longed for the autograph of any ballplayer. That said, the One Man Invasion is still waiting for Mike Devereaux to respond.

FBI, TSA, Airport Security, Bomb Sniffing Dogs, all for...

2006-12-06T09:38:00.000-05:00

The One Man Invasion believes itself to be one of the new media's most august and upstanding members, but from time to time (read - always) we feel the need to indulge our inner child and mine the depths of our immaturity (ed: which are as deep as the Marianas). With that disclaimer out of the way, shall we get down to the story of the year? Indeed we shall. From WBIR Knoxville-Tennessee:

Flatulence brought 99 passengers on an American Airlines flight to an unscheduled visit to Nashville early Monday morning.
American Flight 1053, from Washington Reagan National Airport and bound for Dallas/Fort Worth, made an emergency landing here after passengers reported smelling struck matches, said Lynne Lowrance, a spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority.
The plane landed safely. The FBI, Transportation Safety Administration and airport authority responded to the emergency, Lowrance said.
Bomb-sniffing dogs found spent matches.
The FBI questioned a passenger who admitted she struck the matches in an attempt to conceal body odor, Lowrance said. The woman lives near Dallas and has a medical condition.
The flight took off again, but the woman was not allowed back on the plane.
"American has banned her for a long time," Lowrance said.
She was not charged but could have been. While it is legal to bring as many as four books of paper safety matches onto an aircraft, it is illegal to strike a match in an airplane, Lowrance said.

Please leave your ~~fart~~ ~~flatulence~~ 'body odor'/'medical condition' themed jokes in the comments.

Turkey Kill

2006-12-05T15:12:00.000-05:00

While obtaining and transporting a turkey was no small task for the Invasion, we didn't even break a sweat killing, defeathering and cleaning our future dinner. The simplicity was all due to the fact that we had absolutely nothing to due with the process. In fact, the OMI wasn't even present at the ~~sacrifice to the Thanksgiving gods~~ killing. The mother-in-law of a friend did all the work for us as she was the village butcher in her working years. Donning her #45 jersey, she came out of retirement for us to do the deed. Thankfully, the Invasion's colleague Mara Miller was present and captured the glorious end to our once difficult friend.
the weapon
the feathers
the butcher
overstuffed (see the undigested corn pouring out)
plucked and headless
cleaning up in a bloodbath
Next step is cooking. Unsurprisingly the Invasion wasn't really involved in that one either. To be continued...

Nerd Alert!

2006-12-04T04:02:00.000-05:00

With the release of PlayStation 3, one would think that life couldn't get much better for geeks across the world. Well for Canadians nerds, it has because a Japanese maid cafe was recently opened in Toronto. The i maid cafe is basically a place where the waitresses are dressed like anime characters, act subservient and probably say things like, "You, Mr. StainlessMonk, are greatest and mostly manly gamer I have ever seen, tee-hee."

Sports

2006-12-03T18:29:00.000-05:00

Many things have been said about sports. Many of them have been stupid, and in John Madden's case, they have been downright moronic. Regardless, sports are probably the greatest thing ever after food and booze and since they all dovetail quite nicely, it sometimes just makes the world seem to be a perfect place. That said, here is some sports goodness from the Invasion to enjoy. Cheers.
From The Onion Sports:
Bill Walton Spends Entire Lakers Broadcast Gushing About His Son

"I've had to overcome a lot of diversity."
-- Cavaliers forward Drew Gooden on the ups and downs of his NBA career
Philadelphia's Best and Worst of the recent past
"Because there are no fours."
-- Antoine Walker when asked why he shoots so many threes

"I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf."
--Tug McGraw, asked whether he preferred grass or Astroturf

"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
--Jason Kidd

Of Course He Is

2006-11-29T08:34:00.000-05:00

This past summer TVR1, Romania's national television channel asked for Romanians to vote on who is the greatest Romanian ever. While the One Man Invasion was not eligible, our Romanian namesake most certainly was and he won, naturally. Stefan cel Mare (Stephen the Great), King of Moldova from 1457-1504, was voted as the greatest Romanian of all time. Among his accomplishments, Stefan cel Mare was canonized, named a Champion of Christ by Pope Sixtus IV for defending Moldova from the Turks, built 44 monasteries (four of which are UNESCO heritage sites) and he fathered more than 20 illegitimate children. Of course the OMI hails this decision by the people of Romania to recognize ScM and in due time, loyal reader, these people will do the same to another SM.

More Gilbert Arenas and The Invasion

2006-11-22T12:50:00.000-05:00

More Gilbert Arenas and The Invasion
Regardless of his basketball ability (4th in scoring, 28.5 per), Gilbert Arenas simply rules. He has his own blog on NBA.com and it's a fantastic read. It's probably the second greatest blog on the entire internet. In the blog, he reveals couldn't get a Nintendo Wii or PS3 and now he regrets that he didn't impersonate a famous NBAer and skip the waiting. He sponsors a Halo team that finished 2nd at some world championships and he bought a giant puzzle: "I don’t know what I was thinking...I bought an 18,000 piece puzzle. The lady told me four years that it would take me to do it, and I was like, 'yeah right, I can do it in a couple months.' I don’t think I’ve found two pieces that connected together yet."
Arenas has dubbed this season The Takeover b/c he plans on not just taking over the league but, "From taking over the city, I’m trying to take over the league, taking over sponsors, taking over you know...Just the industry of everything...Getting buildings in my name, getting leagues in my name...This is the time where, you know, me as a person is gonna go get bigger." Fair enough we say and now the OMI is dubbing the next twelve months The Invasion. More details to come on the year of The Invasion. There will be celebrations, t-shirts, English classes and all kinds of things. An official announcement on The Invasion will soon follow.

Turkey Run

2006-11-14T15:33:00.000-05:00

With Thanksgiving fast approaching, the OMI is scrambling to put together a dinner worthy of several colleagues/guests. The official number is close to twenty people for dinner the Saturday after Thanksgiving so we're under a bit of pressure. All is going well, but the acquisition of a turkey was proving to be quite a problem. The turkey, being a bird that hails from the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave, is rather rare in lovely Romania. The best bet was to get a frozen one from Metro, Costco's German cousin, in Suceava which is a solid 2 hour train ride away. Twenty people will require two medium sized turkeys, so needless to say, the OMI would have its hands and arms full if circumstances required such a journey.
Foolishly, the Invasion had counted out the possibilities of live turkeys in its own hometown. Invasion colleague Kenny "Chinezul" Chan was on the ball and jumped into action. Chan first put a classified ad on the local access cable channel asking if anyone had live turkeys to sell. While Chan did not have much luck there, he struck gold by walking around town and inspecting backyards. Kenny came across two lovely birds from two different yards and recently purchased them. The first one (below) was bought with little fanfare the other day and Kenny transported it to a friend's house where it will be fattened over the course of the next couple of weeks. It's only about 12 lbs. now but this one has potential.

The second turkey was a bit more complicated. Kenny hit up the OMI online and enlisted help to fetch the second, larger turkey. This evening we headed off toward the Jewish Cemetery (no joke) to purchase/pick up the turkey without any proper means of transporting it to our friend's house. Our friend, Constantin, lives about an hour walk from the purchase point, so we were in a tight spot. Kenny had other ideas. When Kenny bought the turkey, the seller asked us how we planned on transporting it. Kenny replied by taking out a long string from his bag and explaining that we would tie the string around the neck of the turkey and walk it across town. The man looked at us bewildered and stated that the turkey was not a dog. Apparently he thought that we had failed to realize this. After some deliberation, the man handed the turkey to yours truly and Kenny tied the feet so it couldn't get away if it was dropped it. We started walking and when we got out of sight of the man's house, the Invasion put the turkey down at Kenny's urging, he untied the feet, and tied the string around it's neck.

The turkey didn't appreciate this and started to scratch at the leash/string. It got used to it and Kenny started to yank on the leash trying to get it to follow him. The turkey wasn't so cooperative so Chan implored the OMI to kick it gently and nudge it in the right direction. We could not stop laughing and anyone who walked or drove by did the same, more at us than the situation. After fifteen minutes we gave up and the Invasion picked up the turkey and carried it about 20 minutes to a very helpful colleague's house.

She called a cab for us and we took the turkey to Constantin's place. The cabbie had zero problem with us riding w/a turkey (who wouldn't?) but in the future he will think twice about doing so. The turkey got kinda spooked on the way to Constantin's and it shat in the cab. Not only did it crap in the cab, it crapped on Kenny.

Thankfully (and smartly we may add) the OMI sat shotgun while Chan was stuck in the back with the turkey, still with the leash around its neck mind you. Finally arriving at Constantin's, the Invasion tried somewhat successfully cleaning the shite off Chan's sleeve and we put the turkey with its dinnermate and headed out to have a celebratory drink.
The Invasion asks you, faithful reader, how are you getting your turkey this Thanksgiving? Let us know in the comments, we'd love to compare stories.

Booze Fascists

2006-11-13T17:00:00.000-05:00

The University of Delaware freshman class has until Friday to complete AlcoholEdu, an online educational program, or they will not be allowed to register for Spring Semester classes. Obviously the halcyon days when UD was a fun place to go to school will soon be destroyed and red brick walkways will cover up anything not sanctioned by the University. Helped by the Newark Police Department, the University Police have curtailed drinking both on and off campus. Thankfully the NPD doesn't have better things to do, like stopping ~~students getting raped~~, ~~students getting robbed~~ guys from yelling at people with a megaphone (anymore). When reached for comment the head of the NPD (below) said, "Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1... 2." The One Man Invasion strongly condemns this AlcoholEdu nonsense if only b/c it's a massive waste of time. The university should first take care of academic matters and worry about social issues second. Start by keeping the library open 24 hours and hiring more teachers so that classes aren't over registered. Then get to work on building fences and walkways so students don't get hit by trains when crossing the train tracks. Once that gets completed, maybe then worry about the booze.
"Can't you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can't be policing the entire city!"

Bonus: This is guaranteed to make you laugh lots: The Simpsons Quotes.com

Let's Give a Hand to Macaca

2006-11-13T16:10:00.000-05:00

The Washington Post has done some serriusly fine journalism in tracking down one of the most influential people of this past election. Karl Rove? Donald Rumsfeld? President Bush? No, loyal reader, they have an exclusive article written by none other than SR "Macaca" Sidarth. Titled "I Am Macaca" the article details how Sidarth got involved with the Webb campaign and how things went down with the whole "slur that kinda wasn't a slur or maybe it was a slur". Here are some excerpts:
"Everywhere I went, though I was identifiably working on behalf of Allen's opponent, people treated me with dignity, respect and kindness."
"The hairstyle inflicted upon me by two friends late one night also became newsworthy; for the record, it was intended to be a mullet and has since grown out to nearly the appropriate length."
It seems like Allen's people were super nice to this guy and kudos to them, but the best part is the haircut comment. How do you get your haircut while asleep without noticing? Only when you are passed out drunk. The One Man Invasion officially wants to party with Macaca.

Where is my Mind?

2006-11-12T15:06:00.000-05:00

Just the other day, the OMI realized that we're losing our mind. Not going crazy or anything like that, we're just forgetting how to do things we once could. The Invasion's students have a math exam on logarithms this coming week and while chatting, we realized that we had forgotten how to do logs. Other math tasks have certainly been forgotten as have countless other facts and the ability to do plenty of things. Confronted with mortality, the OMI has leapt into action. Having decided to sharpen our mind, we moved on over to the wonderful world of podcasts to help us out. We stumbled across Productive Strategies a time management/productivity site the other day and a long list of links to academic podcasts were posted. These are mostly lecture podcasts from universities and the subjects cover all areas. We're starting with Physics for Future Presidents, Shakespeare, Shakespeare in Film, and Architecture on Air. Alas, no podcasts have been found for Calculus or the like. Also, Johns Hopkins has a podcast site and so does Cal-Berkeley.

Speaking of podcasts, Ricky Gervais put out a free Halloween podcast and will release another one on Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Borat Did Romania

2006-11-12T04:30:00.000-05:00

When Sacha Baron Cohen needed a village to represent Borat's hometown, where did he turn? While Kazakhstan is a good guess, apparently it didn't quite measure up to his wild ideas of impoverished, backward squalor. Where to turn then? Why Romania of course. An article was in today's Mail on Sunday, a British paper that details a Romanian village's contact with the Borat team and their reaction to the movie. The article details how Romanian villagers were tricked and humiliated by Baron Cohen. The Invasion expresses sympathy with the Romanians and while we chiefly feel badly for them, we are also jealous. Why couldn't they have filmed closer to the OMI's hometown?
Some excerpts from the article:
"They claim film-makers lied to them about the true nature of the project, which they believed would be a documentary about their hardship, rather than a comedy mocking their poverty and isolation."
"Mr Tudorache, a deeply religious grandfather who lost his arm in an accident, was one of those who feels most humiliated. For one scene, a rubber sex toy in the shape of a fist was attached to the stump of his missing arm - but he had no idea what it was."
"Luca, who now refers to Baron Cohen as to the 'ugly, tall, moustachioed American man', even though the 35-year-old comedian is British, said: 'They paid my family £30 for four full days...It was very uncomfortable at the end and there was animal manure all over our home. We endured it because we are poor and badly needed the money, but now we realise we were cheated and taken advantage of in the worst way."

Pictures from Today

2006-11-03T03:52:00.000-05:00

Which Superhero Are You?

2006-10-28T05:26:00.001-04:00

Weekends without travel are pretty boring for the Invasion so we keep busy by wasting away hours online. OMI's colleague Scott Fenwick let us in on a nice way to pass the time. Scott linked to an online quiz that promised to tell us which superhero we are. Apparently we are The Flash because we are fast, flirtatious and athletic. In our younger days, we remember Invasion friend Matthew Witham saying that he was Wolverine b/c he was agile. Now it's time to see who he really is, and, for that matter, see who you are.

Take the Superhero Quiz

Trick or Beer

2006-10-28T04:02:00.001-04:00

Sick of drinking normal, run-of-the-mill beer? We aren't either, but those of you in the mood for an autumnal delight check out your local liquor store (natch). The One Man Invasion's hometurf has produced a pumpkin beer that has received praise not normally reserved for pumpkin beer. Dogfish Head Punkin' Ale is now available wherever you can find it.

Are You an American? A True American?

2006-10-27T16:14:00.000-04:00

With the extension of the Patriot Act in our rearview mirror, it's time the One Man Invasion took stock of our American-ness. We must admit that invading and ~~subjugating~~ educating a foreign country nets us mad points, this is only in an abstract sense. Thankfully a test has come along to test our knowledge of the home country. We took the test and now it's time for you, loyal reader, to measure up. Slide on over to the BabyBoomer Headquarters (yes, we know the site name is a big turnoff) and take their American Civ Quiz. The Invasion scored a 41.5 which is above average. Throw in our invasion bonus points and we're only steps away from throwing our name in the running for the Iowa/New Hampshire primaries. Post your scores in the comments. No cheating either.

76ers Kinda Preview

2006-10-27T16:02:00.000-04:00

Deadspin.com is doing its NBA season season previews and the beloved 76ers are being previewed. While this is shocking (it's NBA season already!), following the Invasion's viewing and blogging of the Sixers actually makes this entry more depressing than shocking. Go Sixers and the OMI is setting its sites as low as possible so anything remotely good will be a big plus. Check it out.
Five Tiny Tidbits on the 76ers

...When the Living's Easy (pt. 2)

2006-10-26T13:06:00.000-04:00

Timisoara is where the Romanian Revolution really kicked off and here is the square, Piata Victoriei or Victory Square, where it all began.

Piata Victoriei is a symbol of freedom for the Romanian freedom and it is only fitting that an American symbol of freedom graces the piata as well.

While in Timisoara, the Invasion taught at a summer school for a week. The kids were elementary school age and they spoke English pretty well. With the combined power of McDonalds, cartoons and rap music, one would think that American culture could brainwash the minds of the world's youth and consequently take over the world. What's that? Already done, you say? Oh.

Also in Timisoara, the Invasion finally realized why Romanians take forever to do construction work. Union nonsense? Nay. Laziness? Good guess, but no. Delayed because they come across human remains? Bingo.

the road was on top of an old catacomb, or so they say
Finally, the Invasion was in Timisoara for July 4th and somehow ended up in some studio with two colleagues on live television answering questions about Independence Day. Mind you, the talking was only in Romanian so the stakes were high. As you all know, the OMI does its best work on the silver screen and doesn't like to step down to do tv, but in the name of charity, the Invasion will lower its standards. Although the pressure was on, you'll be glad to know that the OMI and colleagues did the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave proud. Following the television appearance, a trip to the Timisoareana beer factory was in order.
Next for the Invasion was a trip to Vienna which was really sweet. Not too many pictures here, but the OMI did stumble across something rather interesting about Viennese musical taste.

Roxy Music(?) and Billy Idol are above Robert Plant on the marquee
Next stop was Budapest, another lovely city on the Danube.

St. Stephen's Basilica, a damn good name for a place
After the foreign jaunt, the Invasion returned to Romania and took care of some stuff.

fed the pets

cut the grass
Back in Campulung things were heating up at the Bucovina Folk Festival. It was hot and the peasants rocked out. Check it.

The One Man Invasion then headed west to Satu Mare to organize/direct an English language camp. The Invasion's infiltration of society can be confirmed by the fact that the OMI was put in charge of a large group of students. The local population has been won over by the OMI's ~~wit, charm and stunning good looks~~ diligence and sense of responsibility and placed the nation's young minds in its hands.
After the camp, the OMI crossed the country and hit the Black Sea coast for a conference. The highlight of the conference was the live fantasy football draft but the seaside wasn't too shabby either.

That was basically it for the summer. Winter is only a week or two away and it's already snowed once here. Although it wasn't much and melted before sunrise, it was a bad omen of the long and strong winter that is to come.

...When the Living's Easy (pt. 1)

2006-10-25T10:54:00.002-04:00

This past summer the One Man Invasion traveled far and wide, embedded in the muck so you, loyal reader, can see what life behind the Iron Curtain is really like.
We begin by keeping it local: Gura Humorului, a small town near Campulung and home to one of the famous Painted Monasteries of Bucovina.

On the inside lots of the pictures displayed martyrs and how they bit the dust, very uplifting stuff. We don't think pictures were allowed, but no one was around and if no one sees us take a picture in a Romanian painted monastery, is the picture taken at all?

Also Gura is home to giant bird nests on top of telephone poles.

Sticking with the local flavor, here are some shots of the Campulung area taken while the OMI was off ~~hiking~~ on reconnaissance.

these wild horses later attacked me, but they couldn't drag me away
Next the Invasion headed off to Timisoara, "The First Free City of Romania". Where our ~~story~~ debriefing will continue.

Eco-Challenge

2006-10-25T06:07:00.001-04:00

E-mag Slate.com is joining up with environmentalist web site treehugger to fight global warming one person at a time. Start off by navigating over to their page and reading their ideas for going on a carbon diet. The carbon diet is an attempt "to reduce the amount of CO2 that you put into the atmosphere by 20 percent." You start off by taking a quiz to establish your CO2 usage and then you go from there. Slate.com, treehugger and you, with your powers combined ~~Captain Planet will arrive and take pollution down to zero~~ you could win a free t-shirt and you can act morally superior to the other wasteful jerks.

update: Unfortunately this quiz is biased since when it comes to the 'Heating' part there is no mention of heating your house with wood. The Invasion can only assume that if you use a soba to heat your home, you are so environmentally friendly that you get a free pass to heaven.

update #2: The OMI scored 36,651 lbs in annual carbon emissions. American average is 44,312. We got hosed on the heating question and a question about a dishwasher. All the train travel killed us. Post your score in the comments.

!Firefox 2.0!

2006-10-25T05:11:00.000-04:00

If you're not using Firefox already, here's a chance to get on the bandwagon and act like you've always not been a moron. Mozilla just released Firefox 2.0 and it's ready to rock, meaning no 'beta' version nonsense.
In case you need convincing, start with the tabbed browsing and throw in the fact that it's safer too. The extensions are cool as is the built-in spellcheck. Finally it's open-source and open-source software is where it's at, with two turntables and a microphone.

Tirades and Booze

2006-10-18T09:17:00.000-04:00

Thanks to the greatness of podcasts and YouTube the One Man Invasion has managed to keep up reasonably well on the sports scene in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave. This past week the world wide web has graced us with the hilarious meltdown of Arizona Cardinals' coach Dennis Green. If you haven't seen it, it's below.

Green postgame blowup reminds us of another OMI favorite, the Jim Mora "PLAYOFFS!" rant. Both are great, but as we all know, there can only be one highlander. Compare them and see for yourself which is better.

Also, Herm Edwards contributed this gem while he was the coach of the Jets. "You play to win the game," a great reminder to those who thought you played to lose.

After some calm reflection over these, the OMI has concluded that before these coaches hit their press conferences, they are in need of some, well, calm reflection. If the Invasion was a professional coach, we would make sure to have a strong cocktail or two to calm our inner beast before we faced the press. This would also throw in the possibility of coaches having a bit much to drink and having a drunken meltdown. In fact while the Invasion was the coach of the U-10 KSC Tennessee, we made sure to be half-sauced after matched regardless of the presence of the press.

Your Parents Were Right

2006-10-18T09:14:00.000-04:00

One of the greatest disappointments of maturation is finding out that your parents were mostly correct. Eating vegetables, doing homework, and being clean have all been advised by the Invasion's parents and in the long run have all benefitted us, to our dismay. A recent article in Slate.com linking television watching and autism begins to confirm what we have been told for years. Apparently television will indeed fry your brain and turn you into a zombie.
Before you go running to make your bed and be nice to your siblings, critics to the article have risen to defend the all-powerful television. Another article on Slate.com has criticized the study as well as another from the Freakonomics Blog. Read them for yourself and make up your own television-fried mind.