Sunday, July 29, 2007

The Japanese...

What will they think of next? From the nation that brought to you the man who assembled a $170,000 harem of sex dolls comes a video game that will thrill pervs across the world. Kouenji Jyoshi Soccer 2 is currently in development but it will apparently allow you to touch teenage school girls while guiding the school soccer team to victory. How this is legal, we have no idea.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Non-Shocker of the Day: Dishonest People In Bucharest

Readers' Digest recently published a report regarding an experiment in which they tried to find out which denizens of 32 national capitals were the most honest. Leaving mid-priced Nokia phones throughout the cities, Readers' Digest followed the actions of those who picked up the phones to see if they tried to return the phones to their owner. The worldwide average was 68% attempted return rate with the residents of the Slovenian Ljubljana the most honest (29 out of 30 attempted returns) with Toronto a close second (28 of 30). Unsurprisingly, Bucharest, Romania came in second to last with 53 percent of the people who found the phones decided to keep them. Hong Kong and Malaysian capital Kuala Lumpur finished last. The OMI can almost guarantee that if any Romanian was confronted with this report, they would immediately blame the thefts on Gypsies because normal Romanians would never do such a thing.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

The Fix is On

There is nothing the Invasion likes more than to prove our own genius. That is actually the reason for this blog. With the recent revelation that certain NBA games were possibly fixed by a referee in cahoots with the mafia, the OMI and Paul Czerwin were finally vindicated in their stance that 'fix is in' when it comes to the NBA. For further proof check out some old comments. When reached for comment about the possible fixing of games, 76ers GM Billy King offered the Invasion a 7-year-deal for max money and a no-trade clause.

Apples, Tree, Not Far, Yeah We Know

Conspiracy theories aren't really are bag here at the One Man Invasion. That's the territory of our buddy The Awkward Toad, but since the Toad has been MIA for a bit, we'll pick up his slack for a bit. A BBC Radio 4 investigative series hosted by award-winning journalist Mike Thomson looks into the "biggest ever peacetime threat to American democracy." A coup mooted to depose FDR during the Great Depression and install a Hitler/Mussolini-esque dictatorship in order to get the US out of its crisis. The coup was to take place with the help of some half a million war vets as well as some of Americas most famous families. Unsurprisingly, one of the names that comes up is Prescott Bush, grandfather of our current president.

listen to the show

A Post About Field Hockey

When it comes to sports, the One Man Invasion keeps it pretty simple: soccer, wiffleball and how bad are the 76ers? Time to step out of the box, loyal reader, and check out the US Women's Field Hockey team. Our ladies recently finished second in the Pan-American Games to powerhouse Argentina, and while second place is normally greeted with a glare and a kick in the shin by the adoring American public, the OMI has got respect, especially because of the team's First State connections. Midfielder Carrie Lingo hails from Rehoboth Beach. Having been capped 111 times, Lingo is pretty badass; she was named ot the All-ACC 50th Anniversary team and the Invasion even remembers reading about her when she played at Cape Henlopen. Forward Katelyn Falgowski was born in Wilmington and lives in Landenberg, PA. Having graduated from St. Mark's High School this year, Falgowski has somehow already played 33 times for the national team.
The loss in the Pan-Am finals means that the US team will have to qualify for the Beijing Olympics via an international tournament in either Azerbaijan, Russia or Vancouver. Go field hockey.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

We Heard There Was a Soccer Game In LA

Apparently the United States has been invaded by David Beckham. While the One Man Invasion missed out on the odd American soccer hype, we have been keeping track of the American league. The MLS has posted some quality recently and since everyone else is posting about soccer, we might as well since it is our thing. Check the links.

MLS All-Stars defeat Scottish Champs Glasgow Celtic, All-Star coach sticks it to haters.

MLS Commish Don Garber takes questions. Here's the answer that counts:
Jason from Philadelphia
Is there any news on a possible new MLS franchise in Philadelphia?

Don Garber
No news yet but continuing to make progress but I'm hopeful, and even a bit bullish, about MLS's opportunities in Philly. We've been lobbying in the State House for public support of a facility and believe we have secured real interest from what we believe will be a terrific ownership group.

Moneyballer Billy Beane is looking to get involved in MLS

Another example of cuckoo for cocoa puffs soccer fan

And finally, soccer legend/jazz salt addict Maradona was apparently bribed by a drug dealer to talk to buddy Fidel Castro about getting the dealer released

We Read Books

The One Man Invasion isn't big on watching movies or television so our list of favorite actors could be described as idiosyncratic, but we have our reasons which are listed below:
1. Christopher McDonald - Shooter McGavin was pure genius as was his character in Dirty Work
2. Peter Ustinov - Death on the Nile, Poirot, genius
3. Keith Powell - we have never seen 30 Rock, but the OMI has gotten drunk w/Powell on several occasions and that's good enough for us.
Well it appears that Powell isn't just a favorite of the Invasion. OMI fave Kissing Susie Kolber has chosen Keith as the mascot of the appropriately named Toofers. With star receiver Rae Carruth, this team is looking up.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Race On

With the One Man Invasion's personal troop withdrawal coming in less than two months, we've decided to go ahead with one last final surge to bring this country to its knees. Beginning August 8, the OMI will participate in the Carpathian Adventure. The Invasion will be apart of a four person team that will tackle a 150 kilometer course in the Retezat Mountains of the Southern Carpathian mountain chain.
The race consists of 62 km of hiking, 84 km of mountain biking, 3 km of rafting and a few other tasks. The OMI is currently in the midst of a grueling training schedule and a diet which consists of eating only what we can forage and drinking milk from goats that we have bested in a wrestling match. Any training tips for us, loyal reader?

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

On the Juice


A great man (we forget who) once said, "I'm not here for a long time, I'm here for a good time." In the wanton days of our youth, the One Man Invasion embraced these words wholeheartedly. Driving down Pike Creek Road like James Dean while blasting Voodoo Chile was par for the course, but as another man once said, "Times are a changing." We think this man lived a lot longer.
With the foolishness of teenage immaturity behind us, the OMI is looking forward to living a long, productive life and nutrition will certainly contribute to this goal. One might think that Romanian living would take a toll on one's health, but the lovely folks who sign our paycheck provide us with free multivitamins to offset and negative aspects of life behind the Iron Curtain. "Romanian multivitamins!?" you say. "No, sir," we reply, because upon closer inspection, these vitamins come from a place that mixes Shangri-La and El Dorado. Truly amazing.

Must Not've Been Good At Paperboy

As the Tour de France starts separating the men from the boys in the mountains, the One Man Invasion must admit that when watching le Tour (that's French) our attention sometimes strays from the drug-fueled superhuman riders and we focus on the spectators. These people spend all day, and sometimes more, getting a spot along the course to catch just a bit of the action as the riders whiz by.
For this year's edition of le Tour (see above), the Invasion managed to get a roadside correspondent to keep us abreast of the latest doping scandals action. Unfortunately, our correspondent, Moofis the dog, had a bit of an accident and will be unable to continue reporting. The OMI is sure that Moofis would have reported that all these characters are doping one way or another and that we might as well allow it in cycling and track & field b/c everyone is doing it anyway and one out of 50 million athletes get caught.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

From the Chillen Files...

Most things are better when done outside. As long as the bugs (see below) are taken care of and it's not ridiculously hot, life alfresco is just nicer. Save for the aforementioned, the biggest obstacle to enjoying the great outdoors is finding a decent place to sit. Your dad's lawnchair (no cupholders) is so passe; portability and functionality is the name of the game so how do you like it? Cup holders? Footrest? Sunshade? Fold up into a backpack or into a satchel? What is one to do with the multitude of new school chairs? Thankfully, Slate.com has reviewed several chairs. Check them out and pick one up. We'd like to hear your plans for summer sitting.